Junior High

The first time I lost any amount of weight, I was only in grade eight. Wow, it ryhmes. It was the year I moved from Italy to Canada. I wanted to start again, and make a new image for myself.

I thought that I didn't fit well enough into my size zero capris. So, I ate exactly 1000 calories a day, for about two months. Dropped down to 99 lbs. I was happy. That was the first year that I started making 'cool' friends. I was surprised that people liked me. I felt that I didn't belong. I didn't wear makeup, or style my hair nice or wear pretty clothing. I think to them I was more of a challenge. They would tell me how to dress, and cut my hair, and beg me to let them give me a make over.

But, through out all of that they told me that I was pretty and that they wish they could be as thin as me. And so, I eventually began to love myself, and stopped dieting.

For a while.

Grade nine passed, I made the social transfer from my old un-popular friends, to 'cooler' ones. I still remember the first time that I got the nerve to sit at their lunch table instead of mine. I remember feeling bad about ditching my old friends, but it had been some time before I could talk with them and not be embarrassed. It was like they had not grown up and still acted like 'kids'. They were all very nice people, but I wanted more.

Grade nine ended, and summer. I moved to California. This was when I was quote unquote 'discovered'. I was at the mall with one of my sisters, and a scout stopped me and asked if I wanted to be a model. He talked to my mom, and my mother (a former model) was rediculously encouraging about this. I wasn't tall enough, but he said to give it a shot anyway.

My mother became insane. I had always said that I wanted to be a doctor, and she had always told me how much work it would be. My dad was the one who encouraged me. Now, she tryed her best to make her daughter follow in her footsteps. She drove me to every call, made me go to acting auditions, payed for manicures and pedi cures and hair highlights and teeth whitening and everything that I didn't really care about.

But worst of all she told me to lose weight. That I was too fat.