Yesterday

Went well. I woke up full of willpower. I crazily? made a list of everything I wanted to do that day.
Do excercises
Make bed
Go to library
etc.

It seemed a little crazy, but it meant that I always had something I was supposed to be doing, even if i didn't get through all of it. I did everything I meant to be doing. I did the 40 minutes of strength.

I also find that I'll wander weirdly into the kitchen. I'll go up the stairs, look around and say, hmm, I wonder what is in the kitchen. I can't eat it. But...I need to go check to make SURE I wont eat it.. .
It doesn't make sense, but then I open all the cuboards, the fridge the coutertops. Just seeing whats in them. Sometimes I'll find a cookie that but sibling made, and almost pick it up. But stop myself...

Anyway, yesterday I managed to consume only one small salad with 20 cals of dressing and healthy healthy fish. WIth half a glass of necessary calium filled milk. And, because I had a moment of weakness, one home-made peanut butter cookie. Luckily, I manaded to stop myself from eating more.. Good enough for the first day.

Weighed myself for the first time in awhile. 110. Ew.

The clouds are gray again. Rain slips into the streets like tears. Your tears. How good it would be to dance in the rain, slender and light. To put on a short spring dress and spin in circles like a child, until the wet fabric clung to your flat flat stomach and hip bones. And you laughed at how free you were, and how all the work you've put in are finally here. You smile and look through the front window of the house, at your old life. You vow never to be like that again and flounce away on your stick thin limbs. Except that, your the one in the window, not the one dancing in the rain. And you have work to do.

So far I haven't eaten a thing. Wish me luck.

Forte,

Chiara.